A Trash !!!

Hundred letters, thousand words, million lines
……….and then a trash
Wrote those emotions on the wall of my heart
……… and then a trash
Explaining me, explaining you all those nagging
………and then a trash
Saying those words for being together forever
……….and then a trash

Monsoon rains and rain drenched streets
Emotions of pain ……..all in trash
Single roof, unforgettable yet beautiful goof
Explaining oneself……all in trash
Believing destiny and enjoying the harmony
Remembering them …….all in trash

Love, Care, Compassion or Trust
Meaningless words…..just a trash
Wonderful song "Knowing me knowing you "
Only lyrics…..just a trash
Holding your hands, walking along the shore
Promises and Prayers……just a trash
Waiting for you forever and forever
An endless queue……............never ever a trash

Yes, Its you !!

I was standing alone, waiting for you!
You are gone forever, I never knew!
I was about loose myself in this world’s endless queue!
I felt someone holding my hand, turned back and saw its you!

Though my feelings are not many, just a few!
And I know you are unaware, even with a clew!
I wan to share all my memories, old and new!
Because they are purely incomplete, without you!

I woke up yesterday, and touched the morning dew!
My fingers on the window pane, it’s your name what I drew!
Endless attempt of calling you, ended up at “contacts” view!
Expected at every knock on the door, but it’s never you!

If crosswords of life completes, without any whew!
I will turn scarlet red, erasing all the blue!
Beautiful shadows of past, though welcomed lieu!
Because I felt someone holding my hand, turned back and saw its you!

Except Last Few !!!

*************************************************************************************

monday, 21 April 2004

Most Memorable Moments !!!!

1) I Still remember I was crying and shouting when I went to school. for the first time ...though I knew everyone over there, but all of them seem different. I was screaming " I don't want to be here..I want to go home" ...but the alas...no one let me go !!!!

I lied down there...screaming, crying !!


2) I was in nursery and I performed a dance on a famous bollywood song of that time " main khwabo ki shehjadi" I was wearing a white gown and had a tiara. everyone said I'll become a great dancer !


3) When I saw The TajMahal.....It was huge...white..and the biggest house/or a closed construction I have ever been to......My father then told my about the history behind it... and I asked Why did the king chose marble ? The answer my dad gave me was.. "white is combination of all the colors....and similarly life is also combination of different emotions ..shahjahan wanted cherish them all whenever he sees tajmahal...so he chose White !"

4) When I felt the piousness of the river Ganga...at haridwar....that feeling was heavenly, I felt I am touhing the purest thing in this entire world. I got col

5) When I stayed alone for the first time @ class 3, as my parents went to see my Granpa… i had my exams…I performed very well and scored highest marks…in my entire life....cos rest is history.

6)When for the first time I went to the marriage of mom's gupta bibiji's son's marriage ( first time I’ve attended a gathering as huge as this) The place was crowded with silks, satin and gold …and I was extremely happy because of the new dress which my mom bought for me…without any specific occasion like Diwali !!!!

7) The moment when my doll pinky got married to sunita's doll Raj ! though I creid a lot ...but I was happpy that I will get a new doll soon to play with !!!

8) when papa..left us...for ever !!!! We left our house.....started living here...beside pipeline !

9) When I was asked to leave school as my brother was born and, mom has to work for late hours.

10) The one when maa...sent me to delhi with rashid chacha....to earn money..and support our family.

11) When I earned my first rupee......!!! .........the moment I became shabnam !!!

when I lied down there...screaming, crying.

12) When I knew, I cannot go back ...I cannot meet them...whom I loved the most.....I cannot be sunaina again ......I cant go home !!!

These are those few moments of my life I really wish I can live again......

Except the last few !!!!

************************************************************************************
pages from sunaina's diary

Awaking the (A)rtist soul !!!

Thursday evening………

I am returning back from my work, as usual I am plugging headphones into cell and tuning into some radio channel , so that I can enjoy my evening walk to my abode!!! These days radio channels put up so many events for their publicity, conduct contests ….. and give away several prizes. Previously I used to always send my entries to some or other contests……but it never worked for me….so I stopped eventually!!! Wait wait…..RJ Meera asking people to send some sms , if people are interested to perform with the “navy band “ !( Oh my god it’s the Indian Naval Band !!!) My hungry (A)rtist soul is too eager be a part of it “please please ..i want to participate I wanna sing” says (A )soul. “NO” a big disapproval from my typical particular (C)omplicated mind…… it scolded …..asked to shut up and calm down!!!! 20 minutes passed ….. still Meera is asking for entries….this time …my hand is not listening to my ‘C’ mind, prioritizing my ‘A’ soul… sends an sms “I realy sing well” !

My mobile beeps for an sms from 5888 thanking me for participating in the contest!!!
Day Ends!!!


Friday morning…..

I am working ……learning rocket science or the submarine theories!!!! While coding, testing and preparing some documents simultaneously…I am overloaded with as usual …but that doesn’t effect my loyalty to orkut/gmail/google search !!!! My phone is ringing…a Mumbai landline number blinks ….same old stuff “mam I am calling from ******** bank..is there is any requirement for loan?” NO No Nooooooo there is not !!! Am again back to work !!!! Twenty minutes later my phone is again glaring a landline number…..I reply very annoyingly… “#%^%$@! HEELO” ……”
She: “Hi Prerana I am kreetika from Radio mirchi “
Me: Radio Mirchi ???? Oh hi….
She:: you have sent a sms to meera yesterday?
Me: (me ???OHHHH..so it worked) Yes yes I haved !!!
She: We are taking a live audition…would u like to sing now???
Me: (Now??? Is she mad or what?? I am dumped into crust of debugging and now she wants me to sing ) Actually I am at my office gimme two minutes please!
She: Sure take your time baby!!!

I am heading towards the parking porch…..yes its relatively noisy..but nobosy is around as such !!!
Me: Yes…cab I sing now??
She: Definitely I am waiting!!!
Me: Ok…(lets play my best shot !!) Tinka tinka zara zara hai roshni se bhara …………!!!!
She: Awesome. ….you are too good girl !!! Why don’t you try your luck in playback??? I declare u the winner of this contest honey …..!!
Me: Thankyou thank you very much……!!! (So now what am I suppose to do!!)
She: you will perform with the “Indian Naval Band” tomorrow at Bandra!!!
Me: wow!!! Thanks!!!!

I am back to rocket science and submarine theories !!!!
Day Ends!!!!



Saturday Evening……………………

I am here at joggers’ Park Bandra….. (My goodnesss it’s a huge celebration. I am not dressed as per the occasion!!! Now what!!! Anyway where are these radio mirchi people…I have to serch them !!! ….!@$@##!@##!&&%...oh there is a girl wearing a yello radio mirchi T shirt!! )
Me:Excuse me.... Hi...... I am Prerana……
She : Oh ...Hi.. I am Prakriti…….Welcome….here is the band and here are u…..u can practice !!

The band was huge…they seemed to be at their best ….. and here I am ….. forgotten all the rules of music…. Day by day becoming a unbearable singer from a bearable one …. It have been long I have performed somewhere….… my last performance was in Raipur !!! and that also 2 years back…. !! Nowadays. I just sing for myself, my family and some of my selected friends ……really I am scared!!!!

By the way in 30 min my performance started!!! And it was not bad ( ya...some crazy people aer asking it for once more !!!! is it a joke or what ??? )!!! People praised and I got a small recognition in this big city ……!!!!

Thanks Mumbai….thanks Radio Mirchi…..Thanks the Naval Band…..for awakening my (A)soul !!!
For helping me to find its true spirit !!!

(Now I promise myself I will never ever loose it)

Day Ends

This Diwali....

Few days back we had a cubicle decoration competition at our office, theme was Diwali …as usual I also participated in it along with my team. We chose to decorate our cubicle on a different theme “Celebrating Diwali with a cause” (as we didn’t had many things with us to decorate it the way we wanted and by the time we started planning things…….other teams were already done with their decoration) .That event was a great success and we won the competition in the best theme category. The main reason for winning was the smart work we did by choosing a wonderful theme, where the tag line mentioned was “let’s worship and celebrate humanity this Diwali”. The main focus of our theme was to celebrate Diwali in a subtle way this year, as we Indians have faced main disasters in past few months …be it the serial bomb blasts in various cities or the floods in Bihar, current downfall in the market or the high inflation rate, every where we faced many natural and circumstantial disasters. So we maintained the theme and this Idea clicked. We won the competition!
The very next day was Diwali!!!
For the first time in my life I was away from home on Diwali, I was sad and upset due to this very fact of not being with my loved ones in the festive season….. I was alone and feeling very gloomy and decided to spent my day watching television…every channel was broadcasting some or the other reality shows wrapped in diwali flavor!!! By evening I was so bored and exhausted, so I decided to go out and feel the festive flavor in the air. I went to marine drive….. I love this place due to its uniqueness…. though its too calm but it has some kind of life in it….that day It was a different marine drive…every where there was beuty and bright lights people wishing each other, dressed nicely, children carrying crackers , joy and happiness flooding every where. Seeing so many people sooooo happy …I was also feeling very jovial and full of enthusiasm!!!! I saw people from all over Mumbai came there to celebrate this festival of light, joy and hope together….I also greeted some of them and exchanged sweets… I wan now not feeling lonesome ….meanwhile a very group of very distinct people attracted my attention…..they were wearing white/light colored clothes and were giving a white flower , a white lit candle and a white sweet to every one whoever passes by…. I was kind of exclaimed seeing this and went closer to ask what was the reason of doing the same, do they belong to particular community who celebrate Diwali this way or there is some other reason …. The answer which I got really made my Diwali a wonderful and memorable one !!!

They said “ We belong to that special community of people who worships humanity and believes in celebrating it….…this diwali we are trying to spread the thought of love, peace and sweetness in hearts” .

Survivor !!!

She was innocent, she was simple, she was fresh, and she was pure, unaware of the rules and regulation of the big ruthless world. She thought and believed that the world is as pure as the dew drop, she believed in trust, hard work, and dedication. She believed in “right and ” she believed in “if you have never harmed anyone no one can harm you”,she lived in her own fairy land surrounded by angels and fairies!!! But suddenly one day she landed in the world of “projects, bench, deliverables, deadlines, pressure, work culture, professionalism, decorum, analysis, innovative thought, quarterly ratings, confirmation, timelines, and guidelines”. She tried to cope up,in few months she realized that the whole project world was going through a disease called as “FAVOURITISM”!!!!” Initially it was not clearly visible to her rather she couldn’t realize it …..she thought this is also a typical human behavior and as she is new, she was unaware of the symptoms, she thought this a change in the environment and she should have an open mind towards the changes, because she still believed in her self defined mantra “if you have never harmed anyone no one can harm you” along with the “baghwat geeta saar” “you just perform your work rest will be taken care”. But there has to be and end of self beliefs. Because the world surrounding her was living with the parasite “irrationality” which actually infected the world of projects, by Favoritism. This particular disease can push oneself direct to the top of Mount Everest in a moment, and in the other under the depth of Pacific Ocean. To survive the disease …….the most important needed medicine is a Godfather!!! No other side byes like performance, consistency, or intelligence is required!!! Because Godfather is so strong and effective that the effect of all these other things are just negligible!!!

So what she was hard working? So what if she was and sincere? What’s the big deal if she was efficient??? Did she have a “GODFATHER”? Was there anyone who can blindly favour her? Was there anyone who can blindly recommend her???

People came and asked her to fight for her true rights, asked her to make the gods of project world to be answerable….!!! She tried , tried very hard unaware of the fact that there also she will meet the giant favoritisms !!!!!

Today her life is normal and usual…though still today she doesn’t have any Godfather. Even today she doesn’t have her complete rights, she deserved, though today also she is not being praised for her good work and even today she is not recommended for responsibilities. But whenever she asks herself, what did she achieved by being honest, hardworking and a fighter???? What did she achieve fighting for her true rights????
Her inner core answers “Feeling of being a fighter and a proud survivor of the calamity called FAVOURITISM”.

Rethinking hope !!!

Today I got up at 8:00 AM in the morning …so it was a comparatively a late start….any way I picked up the news paper and went thru the headlines which was about the political crisis Indian government is facing ….all the fact and figures were exponentially derived by the analysts in the article but the main thing which attracted my attention were photograph of six persons who were claimed to play the key role for the future of UPA government. Currently UPA government is struggling to prove their majority in the parliament. All of them are Member of Parliament (MP) who currently are in prison. Most of them are accused of murder, gang war, illegal business and the list goes on an on, 50% of them are sentenced for life imprisonment. One of them is accused of murdering an I.A.S. officer. I was so shattered and shocked reading this, as now these criminals will decide the fate of a government which is said to be democratic “for the people and by the people”. I know this not for the first in the Indian history that any government is facing issues and also not very new or something special or unknown fact being shared…but still as a responsible citizen of this country I feel very sad.. very very very sad that what kind of examples are we going to set ??? I have always seen in several bollywood movies that the villain in the movie is a MLA (member of legislative assembly) or MP who is very corrupt and has a strong criminal background. He commits many crimes but breathes the freedom. And then there will a “hero”, who is a true Indian, whose veins flows country love instead of blood. He will fight against the villain (MLA/MP) and get back every thing to back normal and there will be law and order maintained everywhere!!! But I know life not cinema..nor these six people are villain of and movie … they are hard core criminal……in whose hand the future of the ruling party…….. lies. They will bargain their imprisonment for their freedom…and I am not sure but may be they succeed and set examples for their follower, how to use their power of crime!!! We all are very well aware that rate of crime and corruption in India is quite high but still, I feel we all Indians have some hope in our hearts that …..these conditions will improve someday. But these incidents make me think again to hope !!!!!!!